Crushed...

I just got the call from my RE and my blood HCG level is only at an 8 and I'm at 14dpiui.
Chances are I will lose this pregnancy. I'm just heartbroken. I can't believe I have to go through this disappointment again.  :-(

The nurse said the number IS low but that they really can't tell anything about the pregnancy until they get my levels again on Monday. I think they just have to be nice about it so you don't go running out of the office crying. I'm just so sad...

Now what???

Okay, admittedly, I'm psychotic!! I POAS again this morning and the line was BARELY visible.
What does this mean? Could it be a chemical pregnancy? I'm worried that it means my HCG levels are going DOWN instead of UP.

I'm impatiently awaiting the blood results from my doctor this afternoon.
The real test will be Monday though. That will indicate whether my levels are doubling as they should.

I'm so worried!!!  :-(

BFP???

So I POAS again this morning with FMU and A LINE!!! It's still a faint line but it's darker than it was yesterday :)  So folkes... I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant!

I have a 7am appointment tomorrow for Beta #1

I still can't believe this is happening!

Thanks to all my readers for sending baby dust my way!!!

Evaporation line???

Okay, so I tested again this morning with FMU and pretty much BFN. Although... I could see a shadow of a line where a line SHOULD be so I'm thinking it must be an evap line. Or perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me? Mark looked at it and saw nothing but then again, he's not been properly trained to be able to effectively scrutinize an HPT. He can't see lines that aren't there, like me. lol

I'll keep testing until 15dpiui (which will be Friday) then I'll just await the witch.

So we wait...

BFN

I had IUI #5 on Thursday, July 8th and began testing this morning with HPTs. As you can see from the title of this post, I got a BFN. Disappointment really isn't a good word to describe what I'm going through.

I'd really tried to mentally prepare myself for the fact that it might not work the first time after my m/c but I think this just brings up old pain from my miscarriage. I can't help but think that if my baby hadn't died I wouldn't be going through this disappointment.

I'm tired of spending the money, taking the drugs, crying all the time because the hormones have me acting like a total basket case... plus Mark and I have been having some problems so that hasn't helped.

I realize that it could be a little early to test so I'll test again tomorrow but I don't expect to receive a different result since it was so blatantly NEGATIVE... not even a HINT of a line there.

It's one of those days where I just want to stuff my face and watch tv and sleep all day. I feel depressed and exhausted. I've decided to make an appointment with my counselor just to nip these depressed feelings in the bud. Especially since I'm not on my meds.

It will be a little while before I can try again because I just don't have the money and I'm paying for this all by myself... so I've considered getting back on the meds until I can afford more fertility treatments.

One thing I AM happy about is that I have 8 followers now!! That means a lot to me. Thank you for reading and please please please, comment or message me. I love to hear from my readers.

Stay tuned... I'll report my HPT result tomorrow!

Much love to you all :)

Insemination scheduled for Thursday!

This cycle has been a long time coming...
I'm finally ready for insemination #5 on Thursday. This cycle was a Femera cycle (2.5 mg) - CD3 - CD8. I went in on CD10 and had one follicle on the right at 13mm and two smaller ones on the left. I saw my RE yesterday for another u/s to scan for follies. I showed two 16mm follies (one on each ovary) so I was instructed to give myself the Ovidrel injection (trigger shot) tonight at 10pm. I'll go in for my IUI on Thursday at 9:15am.

I'm scared. Very scared about the possibility of m/c again but I'm mostly excited about the idea of becoming the proud mother of a healthy baby.

Mark has been fantastic. He's been a real trooper in dealing with my mood swings and maintaining a calm, supportive disposition. I love him to pieces!! He's been very excited about the insemination. We're going to make a baby this week and we're both thrilled!

So, Ovidrell tonight and IUI on Thursday then I'll be in the dreaded 2ww. I'll be posting regularly on any symptoms I may have. Keep your fingers crossed for us!!

Stay tuned!

I'm baaaack....

Okay folks! I'm officially back. Back online and back in the game.
Today is CD10 and I had my follicle scan this morning. RE found 3 follicles. One on the right (13mm) and two on the left (10mm). I'll use OPKs throughout the weekend and if I get a positive I'll have IUI #5 on Monday. If I DO NOT get a positive OPK this weekend I'll return for a second follicle scan. Hopefully that scan will reveal three mature follicles and I can go home, give myself the ovidrel injection, and come in on Tuesday for my IUI. IF they are still not mature, I'll be sent home with more Femara and will likely have the IUI at the end of next week.
So, hurry up and wait. That's the name of the game.

Also, things with Mark are really progressing nicely. We're both excited about my IUI and he's happy he gets to be a part of it. He'll be going with me for my IUI. :) WHICH, by the way, is beyond fantastic. I've been doing this all by myself from day one so a partner in this process is a welcome change.

We're going to be getting a two bedroom apartment at the end of next month. Our relationship has become quite serious as we have grown together so quickly. I'm head over heals in love with him and we can't wait to begin our lives together.

Thinking I may need to change the name of this blog?? LOL!

Thanks for reading and feel free comment or PM me.

~ Charity
I miss you PJ