Friday, August 20, 2010

Homozygous MTHFR Mutation as a cause for miscarriage?

I just got my recurrent miscarriage blood panel results today. RE called me at work this afternoon and told me the results over the phone.

He found a couple things:

#1 - I have a double mutation MTHFR (homozygous) but with normal homocystine levels.
Basically this means I will have to begin taking a baby aspirin every day along with EXTRA folic acid in addition to the folic acid that's already in my prescription prenatal. Also, I will begin daily Lovenox injections after ovulation through pregnancy. I JUST found this out today and have LOTS of research to do because I know nothing about the MTHFR gene and mutations of the gene.

#2 - I'm showing slightly elevated levels of autoimmune antibodies so RE wants me to see a rheumatologist. ??? Not sure what this could mean and he didn't get into it with me.

I'm definitely nervous because what I HAVE read shows that the DOUBLE mutation of the MTHFR gene is much worse than mutation on ONE of the genes but the Lovenox is supposed to be effective along with increased folic acid.

I will be taking this cycle off, unfortunately, for financial reasons but I figure it will give me some time to build the folic acid in my body before trying again... also the baby aspirin each day may help as well once I've been taking it for a whole cycle.

I'm moving next weekend into my own apartment. Mark and I are still together but have decided living together isn't in our best interest at this time. So, moving and Mark troubles on top of TTC has me wiped out! Luckily I've decided to take another semester off from grad school. I just don't think I could handle another dang thing!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

waiting, waiting, waiting

Well, I'm still waiting, not so patiently, for my blood test results. I'm so anxious to find out why I keep having miscarriages! If they don't call today I may have to call again.

I'm turning into a stalker!!!

I don't want them to find anything major but it would be nice if they could find something with an easy solution instead of finding nothing, leaving me with a big question mark!


Sunday, August 15, 2010

I'm READY!!!

This week I will get the results of my recurrent miscarriage blood panel... perhaps Tuesday or Wednesday? I'm admittedly anxious but so ready to find a SOLUTION! I want, more than ever, to be a mother and will stop at NOTHING to make that happen!!!

Baby... here I come!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


I got a week ahead of myself!! I called my RE for the results of the recurrent miscarriage panel and I still have another week to go. :(  Blahhhh!!!

I'm anxious and ready to get this show on the road.

As for Mark and I, we are back together again. I know, yo-yo relationship. We're still not living together but we're considering it. He called me Saturday and told me how stupid he was and that he'd made a huge mistake and wants to be with me forever. I do not have the support of my mother, which is difficult for me because I happen to be addicted to her approval (unhealthy, I know), but I have to make this decision for myself.  Here's the problem. I already made the decision to give it another go with him. I want to be able to work things out. BUT... sometimes I feel unsure about whether or not I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes it feels REALLY right and other times it feels all wrong.

Not sure how it happened but I've lost all my moxy!! I'm afraid all the time. Afraid to end it because I'm afraid I'll regret it and miss him and that it'll be a huge mistake. Also, afraid to jump back in because I'm afraid he'll hurt me again.  Ugh!!!

Again, I need to take my mind off of my relationship with Mark (wait to see how things unfold) and place all my focus on becoming a mommy. I have an appointment with my therapist this evening so I'm hoping he can help me to straighten things out in this jumbled head of mine.

Wish me luck!!!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Apartment hunting

Today was a productive day. I worked half a day and spent the afternoon searching for a new home. I haven't found THE ONE yet but I managed to get myself excited about looking. I was feeling pretty good about it until I got home. Then, for some reason, I began to feel sad again that I'm even having to look. It wasn't supposed to be this way. :-(  Mark and I were supposed to be doing this together. (sigh)
I just have to find it in me to stop crying, get up, and get on with it.  It's just so hard when life doesn't turn out the way you planned or pictured it. I just keep trying to remind myself that this isn't about me anymore. This is about my child. What would I want to teach my child? That it's okay to let everything fall down around you because someone else disappointed you? NO! Keep going. Move forward. Take care of YOU!

Good advice! Maybe one of these days I'll learn how to set a good example.  ;-)  Boo!!!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So much has happened...

I am such a terrible blogger!! I disappear for weeks at a time and all kinds of things happen.
Let me just start from the beginning. First of all, I DID miscarry on Sunday, July 25th. I mentioned briefly that Mark and I have been having some problems and that was putting it MILDLY. The day I miscarried he decided it would be a good time to ask for "space". I was devastated; first for the loss of my second child, second for the pain of losing something I thought was so special. I've had a very rough couple of weeks to say the least.

Dr. Brown called me to discuss my pregnancy loss and how we planned to move forward. He ordered a recurrent miscarriage blood panel to see if perhaps we could find the reason I keep losing my babies. While I'm glad he is being proactive, I'm deeply saddened by the fact that I now fit into that category. RECURRENT MISCARRIAGE
It even sounds awful. :-( I'd like to add that when I went to the lab to have my blood drawn I had NO IDEA how much blood they would take. I'm certainly not a person that is squeamish when it comes to needles but having them take 17 vials of blood at one time was CRAZY!!! Yes, you read right... SEVENTEEN!!!
So now we wait. I had my blood drawn on July 27th and was told it would be about three weeks until the results came in so I am sitting this cycle OUT. I don't want to move in any direction until I have more information.

As for Mark, our relationship since I moved out has been a roller coaster. One day he's the same loving man I fell in love with and the next he is someone I hardly recognize. He's done and said a lot of things that were very hurtful and somehow he feels justified in it all. I've gone back and forth in my mind (and with him) many times while trying to decide what's best for me. I think I got so wrapped up in the idea of having a family, the idea of having a father for my child, I simply lost ME. I will admit that I still struggle with my feelings of wanting to work this out but each day I become a little stronger and a little closer to finding myself and my voice. It's been 9 years since I've been in a serious relationship and I fell for him. I fell REALLY HARD... so, it makes it very difficult to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start again... ALONE.

I am currently looking for an apartment of my own. I no longer want to live with a roommate. I want to get my own place and get settled in and ready for mommy-hood. I let someone take priority over something that is so very important to me. Funny how we feel so strong yet can become so weak when matters of the heart are involved. I know I'll get through this.. but it won't be easy.

I've been dealing with so much all at once, I'm going to let myself off the hook for being so foolish. I've learned something that I thought I already knew... rushing into a relationship is a BAD IDEA!!! Duh!

Okay then, off to bed. The results of my blood test can't come soon enough. I need to shift my focus back to what is most important... starting NOW!